


Not With Haste

by khd14



Category: American Actor RPF, Chris Evans - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Cheating, Cooking, Doctors, Explicit Language, F/M, Heartbreak, Infertility, Love, Marriage, Romance, Sexual Content, Shower Sex, Smut, Therapy, Washington D.C., lying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2018-02-12 04:57:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2096565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khd14/pseuds/khd14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <a href="http://s1064.photobucket.com/user/khdent/media/PicMonkeyCollage_zpsecd85d80.jpg.html">
    <img/></a>
</p><p>McKinley Evans is a pediatric oncologist for a top rated hospital in Washington DC and is married to AU Chris Evans, a chef and restaurant owner. With the help of an experienced psychiatrist and supportive family and friends, they are attempting to work past a devastating event that occurred just a few months ago. Are they willing to put up the fight to fix it, or should they part ways while they still have the time and energy? </p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please excuse any grammatical errors, as I'm not perfect and my mind seems to wander at times. This is my first Evans fic and I hope you enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. If you have any questions or concerns or praise, please don't hesitate to share! Hope you enjoy. 

**||1||**

The tension continued to hang heavy in the air around them, regardless of the months of progress that Dr. Fischer had guided the broken couple through. They sat in front of him, on either side of the black leather couch, their body language pulling away from one another with a vengeance. Not wanting to touch, not wanting to feel, not wanting to witness each others presence.

McKinley rested her elbow on the arm of the couch and sighed as she laid her head in her open hand. She knew there was only ten minutes left of today’s session and the last thing that she wanted to do was get into an argument with him over how he didn't understand and never would.

“Just be honest, Dr. Evans. I’m asking if you still love him.” The statuesque, gray haired psychiatrist dropped his hand to the pad of paper laying in his lap. He continued to drum his fingertips against the thick paper as he waited for her answer, knowing that if he pushed her, it would only reduce the development that they have made this far.

"I remember the first time that I ever laid my eyes on him, standing there on my parents doorstep," McKinley dropped her dark, lifeless eyes to the beige carpeted floor at her feet. She attempted to shake the faded memory from her mind, but knew she was fighting a losing battle. "I knew then that he would break my heart, but I just didn't care."

"That's not the question that I asked you, Dr. Evans.” Dr. Fischer dropped his gaze to the paper, re-reading the realizations brought before him in their session. He had accumulated stacks of notepads while trying to decipher the nonexistent relationship between the husband and wife, the troubled couple who spent their time in therapy in their heads and barely spoke the words that they needed to hear.

The progress that they had made over the last few months had truly been impeccable. Successfully, Dr. Fischer had guided them from a sobbing mess of tears to an anger filled rage to finally - silence. Their silence was a welcoming stage, as it meant that they finally were at a place to sit down and discuss their situation with an opened mind and heart.

"Do I still love him?" Slowly, she brought her gaze back to the psychiatrist, repeating the question she was already asked twice. She tried not to hesitate, but thinking about every single decision and answer now always came at a greater cost - a cost that meant she had to rethink everything that came out of her mouth. "I don't know anymore."

Dr. Fischer turned his attention over to the stern, dark headed man sitting on the other side of the couch. "Chris, how does that make you feel?"

Chris closed his eyes tight and breathed deeply, relishing in the harmonious moment of silence these sessions seemed to bring. He didn't want to get angry at her, she didn't deserve it for being honest and finally coming to terms with her emotions. "How do you think that makes me feel? My wife doesn't want anything to do with me." The deep, raw, emotionally torn tone of his baritone voice scraped across her skin tirelessly.

"Well, do you blame me?" McKinley murmured the words carefully, knowing it would only get a rise out him. He didn't deserve it, and she knew that he “already had it up to here” with her antics, _only she just couldn't stop_. She raised her eyebrows dauntingly, her gaze still intent on the gray haired psychiatrist.

Balancing his elbows on his thighs, he dropped his head into his hands and shook it carefully. There were no words he could reciprocate without regret, but she had to stop punishing him at some point… right? He pushed the knot of emotion out of his throat and continued, his voice lowering to a tone where she could barely hear his plea. "I'm weak if I stay and I'm heartless if I leave you."

McKinley turned her head towards Chris, her eyes slowly falling across the cushions of the couch. She didn't have the heart to look at him, but the need to feel something spark between them was burdening. "Do you want to leave me?"

The pain struck him with such a force, he brought his right hand to his chest and splayed his palm across his heart. How could she think, that after everything they've worked through, that he would want to leave her? Sure, it’s been difficult, but in all honesty, the last thing that he expected was for her to still be with him. He just knew that she was going to throw him out of their house and turn her back on him, yet she only did the opposite. "You'll have to kill me first."

Dr. Fischer continued to study the couple in front of him with a heavy heart. He had never seen such a deep rooted love between two people in his lifetime, yet in front of all that love was their distrust, and, dare he say it, hate. "McKinley, you need to do what feels right for you two. Stop thinking about everyone else's opinion on your situation and just take a break. Remember why you love each other in the first place. Do something nice for each other. Just..." He sighed heavily and took off the thin silver frames from his face. "Just take a break. Please."

Chris and McKinley caught each other's gaze, the reality settling into their faces: They were tired. Tired of fighting, tired of crying, tired of pleading. A break - everyone needed a break once in a while, didn't they? They didn't want it to be a moment of weakness, they wanted it to be right. They wanted to fix this, regardless of how long it was going to take or how difficult it may be. They wanted to work through it - because they weren't going to let 14 years just go down the drain without their trying their damndest to save it.

*****

McKinley stopped in the foyer of their three story townhome and took the photo off of the floating shelf, gripping the sides of the canvas tightly in her hands. She hated that it was one of the first things you saw while coming into their home; a pure representation of what they used to have and what they so desperately wanted to get back to.

Their smiling faces, loving pose, the right focus - it was the most perfect wedding photo she's ever seen, and the irony was so heavy it was maddening. It was fake, a misrepresentation of who they were at this present time - and it wasn't a happy time. Making her way into the kitchen, McKinley sat the photo down onto the counter with a sigh and hung up her leather jacket on the back of the barstool pushed underneath the island.

"I wish you wouldn't do that." Chris took the photo from the counter and placed it back up on the open space on the shelf. A heavy sigh rolled off his lips as he made his way back into the kitchen, stopping at the fridge and taking out a bottle of water.

"And I wish you you wouldn't have fucked one of your waitresses." Immediately, as the words fell from her lips, she regretted the entire sentence. She placed both hands on the edge of the marble countertop and leaned up against it, dropping her head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have,"

Chris shook his head slowly. "Why do I feel like nothing ever gets accomplished when we go to therapy? Except paying an abnormal amount of money to talk about the same damn thing every two weeks?"

She chuckled, shrugging her shoulders lightly. "Because that's the way psychiatry works. They make you think about what's really going on, and rather than dealing with it themselves, they push you in the right direction to overcome it yourself. But you're right, we are paying an absurd amount of money for this."

"Why can't we just deal with this ourselves, Mack? Maybe take a trip, get out of here for the weekend. Somewhere... warm." He raised his eyebrows suggestively and smiled, his blue eyes sparkling in a way she hadn't witnessed in months.

The thought of getting away for the weekend was definitely a welcome suggestion, yet she wondered if it was truly the RIGHT decision. How would they last being cooped up in a hotel room together, where they couldn't run away from each other when it grew too tough? "And what would we do with a weekend away, Chris? Stay in a hotel room, hardly speak, hardly touch each other?" McKinley brought her gaze from her hands, startled by his constant, piercing gaze. She took a few steps towards him and leaned up against the countertop, her breath wavering at the mere thought of his velvet touch on her skin.

"We can touch each other all you want, Mack. That's up to you, you know that. I understand you want nothing to do with me since I," He hesitated in a single emotional effort to push the memory from his mind. "I know that you want nothing to do with me since I cheated on you, but that doesn't mean that I don't want you. Every single day, I think about touching you, kissing you, hugging you... and it's driving me insane. I know that it's my fault, and I just,"

A slight pull tugged on her abdomen when he spoke of touching her, kissing her, hugging her... And as difficult as it was for her to deny it, she couldn't any longer. Just because he hurt her more than she ever thought possible didn't mean she could just turn off the desire and affection rousing in her belly. The attraction that they shared for one another was more than just skin deep - it was an intense, mutual force that drew them together in an unfathomable way. She hated him for what he did, but she needed him in a way that only he could provide.

Maybe it was time to take Dr. Fischer's advice and just... take a break and relax.

"Just stop talking, Chris." McKinley smiled softly and brought her fingertips to his mouth, the soft pads resting firmly against his pink, plump lips. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I keep saying these things that hurt you, and I feel like I'm punishing you, when I shouldn't be."

Chris took ahold of her hand and brought it to his chest, his lips curling into a soft smile. "McKinley. Just stop talking." He tilted his head slightly and smirked. "Let's just go relax, okay? Take a nap. I just want to feel you next to me right now."

"A nap?" McKinley repeated the words slowly, furrowing her brows.

He shrugged his shoulders and brought her hand back to his lips. "Yes. A nap. We both have the day off, something that hardly ever occurs. And like I said, I just want to feel you next to me. Please?"

How could she say no to his plea? What was worse, was that he knew that she couldn't say no to him. She could try with all her might to produce that certain sound of those two little letters that was defined by "none, zero, nary"... but she couldn't.

"Fine," She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Let's go nap."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse any grammatical errors, as I'm not perfect and my mind seems to wander at times. This is my first Evans fic and I hope you enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. If you have any questions or concerns or praise, please don't hesitate to share! Hope you enjoy.

**||2||**

McKinley grasped the corner of the page tightly in her fingertips and turned it slowly, her eyes scanning over the educational text carefully. She glanced at the clock by the bed and turned her attention back to the book, attempting to absorb the information that she desperately needed to diagnose a frustratingly diverse patient.

"You're early." She turned the page again, attempting to concentrate on the page in front of her, but a lack of rest had the words beginning to slowly form together. She shook her head and closed her eyes tightly, trying to relieve the fog starting to infect her exhausted mind.

"I knew you were home and didn't want to leave you alone." Chris leaned up against the door frame in the bedroom, crossing his arms across his chest lightly. As his gaze continued to fall on her, a pit began to form deep in his stomach from the guilt and hesitance of this afternoons interactions. _He just needed to move on._

She pulled the glasses from her face and folded them up, placing them on the bedside table. "Guilt is a terribly dangerous emotion, Christopher."

"Can we not do this right now?" He made his way into the master suite slowly and sat on the edge of the bed next to her, leaning his elbows onto his thighs. He concentrated his gaze on the hardwood floors beneath his feet in a steady stare, not wanting to connect with her just yet.

McKinley closed the book and furrowed her brows softly. She knew that something was wrong, but at this stage, lets face it: it could have been anything. "What's troubling you tonight, Christopher?"

He shook his head from side to side, his gaze still intent on the floor beneath him. He was exhausted, and all he wanted to do was to come home to his wife and have a relaxing night, for once.  _But the guilt wouldn't let him._

Reluctantly, McKinley reached out her hand and wrapped her fingers around his bicep, squeezing the taut muscle gently, encouraging him to open up. He needed to feel comfortable when he spoke, and not as if her words were only going to be sarcastic and, all in all, a punishment. She wanted him to regain that subtle confidence he always seemed to have, no matter the situation.

"You're just so beautiful," He turned his head towards her, dropping his hands and smiled. "Do you know how long I stood there watching you tonight?"

An innocent smirk slowly tugged on the corner of her lips. _Of course she did._ “For at least five minutes.” She raised her eyebrows and smiled at him. “I’m a doctor, trust me, I’m aware of my surroundings.”

He took her hand from his bicep and enveloped it in his. "I just worry about you." He sighed heavily, bringing the back of her hand to his lips, kissing it gently. “What if I were a burglar?”

McKinley's heart jumped inside her chest, the feel of his lips parting on her hand bringing an excitement she hadn't felt in months. "Well, what would you like for me to do, Chris?" She was at a loss of what she needed to do - just tell her what to do, and she’ll do it.

"I'm not asking you to stop working, if that's what you think I'm trying to say. Maybe we could move our schedules around so we get home at the same time?" He shrugged his shoulders at the suggestion, obviously at a loss as well. He knew something needed to be done, he just didn't know what. Both of them were at a loss at how to actually FIX the relationship and not cause more harm.

"Why are you so worried about this?" She furrowed her eyebrows tightly, determined to get to the bottom of why her safety at home was such a high priority to him. "We have an alarm system."

"I'm aware, but most of the time you forget to use it. We upgraded it a few months ago for you, Mack, not for me.”

McKinley shook her head slowly. "I'm tired when I get home, and I just forget about it." She dropped her gaze to his lap, where he still held onto her hand tightly.

"That night." His eyelids dropped, covering his steel blue eyes. "That night that I left and,"

McKinley's eyes widened at the mention of that night and immediately both of their demeanor's shifted, their bodies becoming stiff and unresponsive to the flux of emotions pouring in through their memory. They didn't want to think about that night anymore, they wanted to put it in the past... but could they?

"That night," He repeated slowly, his tone broadening as his anger at himself grew more painful by the second. “I wasn't here. I left you all alone, all the while half of our supposed safe neighborhood was broken into."

"Chris," She began, squeezing his hand softly. “It’s not your fault,”

He shook his head and interrupted her. "No, Mack. There's a Porsche and an Audi in our driveway, what does that look like to burglars? What if something happened and I wasn't here? I can't even,"

McKinley clasped her other hand underneath his in an effort to calm his nerves and bring a sense of security. "Chris, stop worrying, please. If you're that concerned, why don't we move closer to the city? Some place with an actual garage so you won't be so worried about what our cars look like to burglars." The last thing she wanted to do was move, but if it meant that their lives would start to become more stable, then she felt as if she had no other choice.

"You love this place, Mack. I can't just ask you to move."

"No matter what I say or what happens, you're still my husband and I still love you, so I'm going to listen to what you have to say and take it seriously. Yes, I love this house, its true. It was the first place we moved to here in DC, but I knew it wouldn't be the last. Besides, it would be nice to be closer to the city." She attempted to sell him on the sudden idea, in hopes he would see the brighter future that awaited them.

Chris smiled at her, his heart growing soft at the idea of their future pushing forward. He didn't think that it would have been this easy to convince her to move, but maybe they were both growing past this dilemma and starting to work on how to actually fix it rather than argue about it. “Alright,” He dropped her hand and stood from the bed, stretching his arms to the ceiling. “I’m glad we could… come to a decision without arguing and yelling about it.” 

McKinley chuckled. "So am I.”

"I'm just glad you're open to the idea." He began to unbutton his chef's coat while making his way to the closet.

“I’m very open to the idea.” McKinley watched as he peeled the coat and white undershirt from his torso and threw it in the hamper. Instinctively, she bit her bottom lip, watching as his muscles flexed with each slight movement of his body.

 _That damn body_. She ached to run her fingertips across his toned torso; lay her lips on that sensitive area of skin where his neck met his shoulders; experience the tight grip of his embrace as he held her in his arms; have his dark chest hair tickle her nose as she pressed her lips across his abdomen.

The textbook fell from her lap, landing with a heavy thud onto the hardwood beside the bed and a soft blush rose to her cheeks as Chris caught her gaze. He walked over to her and kneeled down, leaning his arm onto the side of the bed. He picked up the book and placed it on the table in front of him, slowly standing back up.

"Did you already shower for the night?" He walked into the bathroom, turning on the water and steam for the shower. "I know how much a steam shower relaxes you after a long day." He leaned up against the threshold of the bathroom door.

McKinley watched as his pink plump lips curled into a smile, and instantly, she was drawn into the charm she tried so hard to resist. She knew there was no denying him when he was half naked and smelled of nothing but gourmet dishes and sweat.

"I," She shook her head softly, attempting to pull the hesitation from her brain, "I haven't, actually, I was waiting on you to come home first."

Chris crossed the room in a long stride and pulled the chenille throw from her legs. "No inappropriate touching, I promise." He winked at her as he held up both hands, wiggling his fingers in a matter that produced nothing but dirty thoughts.

The guilt was piling high on her brain as the urge to tell him to take her right now, on this bed, in every way possible… but he had yet to lay a hand on her. In the last two months, he hadn't kissed her lips, palmed her breasts, run his hands up and down her body. Nothing. Which, she was fine with until a few weeks ago when they started making terrific progress and those sparks started to slowly return. Before she could even control it, the anger rose from her chest.  _How could she even think about him laying his hands on her after what he did? It's not right - or was it?_

“Let me check on a patient first. There were a few complications from his surgery today so I want to make sure that his transition went smoothly into the PICU.” McKinley took the cell phone from the table beside her and glanced up at Chris. “It won’t take long,”

He smiled at her and laid his hand on her knee. “That’s fine, take your time.” He stood up from the bed and made his way into the bathroom, taking his time getting undressed and making sure the water was the perfect temperature.

Pressing his palms against the cool tile, he leaned up against the shower wall and closed his eyes, letting the warm water fall down his body in one smooth motion. He took a deep breath and exhaled, attempting to drown out his inner thoughts and physical urges. He longed to touch her, kiss her. Her soul was always so pure, sweet, loving… and every time he laid his hand on her, he felt dirty. Dirty for what he did to her, to their relationship, to everything they had worked for… like he was infecting her with everything negative that he had caused.

McKinley pulled the glass door of the shower closed behind her, the steam surrounding both of their bodies in a delicate embrace. Slowly, she made her way towards him, her fingertips reaching out and spreading across his back. He released a sharp breath as the touch of her fingers brought a deeply stimulating sensation with every touch, every stroke.

“Christopher,” She breathed deeply, pressing her cheek onto his skin gently. “What’s wrong,”

He hung his head and attempted to shut his eyes even tighter than they already were. _How did she always know._ “My dad called me today,”

She closed her eyes and sighed, wrapping her arms around his waist. “And I’m going to assume it wasn't pleasant.” This moment was the very first time in over two months that she had laid her hands on him in such a way without the growing pains of jealousy and anger, and she wasn't going to stop now.

“Not in the least.” He stumbled on his whispered words as the tears began to roll down his cheeks. “I don’t know why I thought it would be different.”

Without having to ask, she knew that the conversation was likely the same as the ones before: “ _How could you do this to her? I thought I raised you better than this. You've ruined everything good in your life. I don’t know why she took you back. You’re worthless_.”

“I’m sorry,” Her lips brushed up against his damp skin and another sharp breath was forced from his chest.  _God, her lips._

Chris scoffed. “You don’t have anything that you need to apologize for, Mack.” He took a hold of her hand and held it tight against his abdomen, welcoming their embrace.

“But you don’t deserve it.”

“How can you say that? Look at what I did to you,” He stopped his sentence before he made himself - or McKinley - feel any worse than they already did.

“Christopher,” She scolded, slowly pressing her body against his. “I said you don’t deserve it, so you don’t deserve it.”

A heavy sigh rolled off his lips and he knew then that there was no arguing with her now. Trust was irrevocable, and now, here they were - trying to repair it. Could it really be done? Is mistrust really that easy to fix?

“Just don’t let go,” The words fell from his lips in a whisper so light she barely heard him over the drizzling of the water above them.

And McKinley didn't. She couldn't. She needed him to feel less responsible; less heart heavy; less like a failure. He made a mistake - hell, everyone makes mistakes - why should this incident be so difficult to attempt to fix?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is definitely NSFW... contains smut.

**||3||**

Standing in the middle of their basement, Chris shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and continued his stare against all four walls. Every few minutes he would turn in 90 degree angles as the ideas came, and even the click of McKinley’s heels against the wooden steps couldn’t tear him from his concentration.

“Christopher,” She planted her hands on her hips as she stood on the last step and raised her eyebrows. “What are you doing down here?”

Turning quickly, he smiled at her sheepishly. “I saw Melody today.” _Ah, his sister._ “We were talking about selling the house and she mentioned that we needed to do something with the basement.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I admit, we kind of neglected it when we renovated the rest of the house.”

McKinley nodded her head slowly and took the last step from the stairs, looking around the unfinished space. “We did overlook it, didn’t we?”

The previous occupants wanted to turn the space into something cozy and meaningful, but never had the opportunity, a result of both time and effort. Two of the four walls were bare, the old brick bringing a sense of classic style to the entire room. The remaining two walls were covered with a thick white paneling, which was now peeling and an off-white color due to their neglect.

“I’ll call the contractor we used for the rest of the house and see when he can come out. Melody had a few ideas, but I don’t know…” He trailed off, turning towards her.

McKinley tilted her head, attempting to envision the space as something useful, but her creativity had diminished for the day. “What kind of ideas did she have?”

“She mentioned turning it into an in-law suite. Which isn’t a bad idea, it’s the perfect space for it. A nice living area, a small kitchen, bathroom, closet. Extra storage space. I think it could work, but I just wasn’t sold on it.”

“Well, it would definitely increase the value.” She stepped around him and made her way across the cement floor. “What else would we do with it, though? We already have half a bathroom down here and the kitchen,” She pointed to the corner, where the row of kitchen cabinets and sink sat unused.

“Whatever you want, Mack.” His gaze remained on her, crossing the room once again.

“Whatever I want,” She repeated, stopping in front of him. She narrowed her eyes. “Does that count towards tonight too?”

The breath in his throat caught and he froze. “Tonight?”

She smiled at him. “I’m exhausted. And I was hoping that we could order pizza and just stay in bed.” She sighed, dropping her arms to her side.

“Right, pizza.” He bit his bottom lip, the urge to lean over and press his lips to hers grew heavier by the second. The tone of his voice dragged against her skin, his deep, baritone voice lower than usual. “I can order it when we get upstairs.”

She nodded her head slowly, their eye contact never wavering. “Thank you. Now, I’m going to go get in the shower. I was thrown up on way too many times today.”

He watched as she walked towards the steps, her hips swaying naturally. The drop pitted in his stomach as he continued to keep her in his gaze, wanting every single of piece of her he could lay his hands on. “So that’s what that smell was,” He chuckled softly.

“Mmm,” She turned sharply towards him and rolled her eyes. “You’re not funny.”

He smiled at her, bringing his index finger to his lips. “I’ll be up in a minute.”

The ache continued to grow as his gaze fell to her again, watching her hips sway back and forth, enticing him to follow her quickly. There was no doubt that he wanted her, needed her, craved her; But he still felt too guilty, too dirty. Taking the cell phone out of his pocket, he unlocked the screen and found the number for Dr. Fischer, who he called immediately.

As McKinley made her way into their master suite, the urge to collapse on the large bed weighed heavily on her mind, but she knew that once she laid down, she wouldn’t want to get back up. Instead, she headed straight into the bathroom and turned on the shower, stepping back out of the glass enclosure as she let the water heat to her liking.

Opening the door to the closet, she took off her heels and placed them in their spot on the shelf. If there was one thing that she loved, less than Christopher (at times) and her job, it was shoes. Christopher swore that she had more shoes than he had hairs on his head, and after a witty comeback regarding his (nonexistent) receding hairline, he immediately dropped the subject.

She grabbed some pajamas from the dresser and headed back into the bathroom, her chest tight with anxiety. It had been such a long day, and the last thing she wanted to have to worry about was how Christopher was handling his emotions. All she wanted was an easy night, full of laughter and confidence; not whether he was emotionally steady or how he continued to blame himself. Of course he did and he always would, but couldn’t they, for once, take a night off?

Stepping into the steady stream of hot water, the steam encompassed her body and finally, she was able to rest her palms against the cool tile and just relax. She let the water run from the top of her head to the bottom of her toes, the invigorating feeling bringing a smile to her lips.

Climbing the stairs to the second floor, Chris let the words from Dr. Fischer radiate in his head, giving him the confidence boost that he so desperately needed. _“The time has come where you either need to forgive yourself or walk away from her, Christopher. And I think we both know that you’re not going to walk away from her, so its time to rid yourself of this guilt.” “It’s only natural to want to be with your wife, Christopher. She loves you, and she just wants you to be happy.”_ What made him so angry was the fact that she didn’t think he was happy. He needed her to know that he is happy, and loves her, and just wants to be with her again.

Leaning up against the doorframe to the master bathroom, Chris watched as McKinley’s body stirred under the steady stream of water, enveloping her curves at all the right angles. He took off his shoes and socks, throwing them into a corner, silently promising that he’d take care of them before McKinley had to. With each piece of clothing he tore from his body, the more confident he grew. He tossed the clothes in a pile next to his shoes and continued to watch her, oblivious to his actions. She turned as he made his way into the shower, his gaze settling on hers immediately.

"I just want to ask you one question," He brought his hands to her head, cupping her face gently.

She looked up at him and smiled. "Okay."

"Are you happy? With me?"

Her heart grew heavy as he looked down upon her, tiny droplets of water dripping from his long eyelashes. "Christopher, we made the decision to stay together and work through this because we love each other and couldn't imagine living our life without each other. Am I happy right now? Yes. But that doesn't mean I'm going to be happy next weekend in therapy when we re-hash everything that's happened in the past. But that's life."

He dropped his hands to her shoulders. "I love you, McKinley, and I need you to remember that, always."

She watched him intently, studying the sorrow in his eyes and the worry in his brow. "Are you okay?"

He forced a smile and let his fingertips fall down her arm, the gentle touch bringing a rise to her breaths. "I will be."

"Good," She let out a soft gasp as he gripped her hips, pulling her closer to him.

The tension continued to grow heavy around them, neither one wanting to push themselves into something that they weren't ready for. McKinley brought her hands to his chest, her fingertips gliding over his rippling muscles softly. He leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, her touch bringing a gentle calmness to the rising bundle of nerves.

In one quick motion, he pressed his lips to hers before he could talk himself out of it again, claiming her in the way she desperately needed. She welcomed his lips eagerly, the sensation invoking a tight pull in her abdomen. He wrapped his arms around her waist and walked her backwards until she was met with the cool tile on her skin. His lips remained on hers for as long as she welcomed it, pulling back occasionally to place soft kisses along her jawline and watch as the blissful expression remained on her face, silently begging him to never stop.

He pulled away from her and smiled. "I forgot how sweet you taste."

She chuckled. "Then don't stop."

He leaned in closely and closed his eyes. "I don't plan on it." He continued kissing her, passionately, slowly; the way she needed to be claimed by him once again. He let his hands explore her body, never forgetting the way she felt but instead missing her sweet curves and sensitive areas that drove her wild.

“Don’t tease, Christopher.” She gasped as he opened his eyes, revealing a sparkling blue tone that she hadn’t witnessed in months.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He grasped her ass quickly, pulling her towards him.

Feeling him harden against her, she knew he wasn’t teasing and for a quick moment, had a momentary lapse in judgment. _Should I really be doing this? Is it the right time? Is it the right choice?_ She was terrified – what if they were pushing themselves into this and they weren’t ready for it? What if it only drove them further apart?

Intently watching her expressions, Christopher spoke softly. He knew that she was weighing the options carefully and was still unsure if they should really be doing this or not. He knew that they were ready for this next step, but she was always going to second guess every decision that was made. “Do you want me to stop?”

_God, no._ She needed this. Needed to be touched, to be licked, to be kissed, and to be pleasured by her husband. She wanted nothing more than to be filled completely with him.

_Ah, fuck it._

She shook her head, letting her fingertips cascade from his chest and down to his waist, where she took his hard cock in her hands. “No.”

Drawing in a sharp breath at the feel of her touch, he squeezed her ass and kissed her desperately. He dropped his hands to the back of her thighs and lifted her from her feet, where she wrapped her legs around him and continued to work his cock, her other arm draped across his neck. His lips fell to her neck, his scruff tickling the sensitive skin above her collarbone. She leaned her head back, allowing him to kiss farther down her chest and moaned as he reached her breasts. He took a nipple into his mouth, sucking on it and rolling it through his teeth. She pressed his cock to her center, teasing them both.

“Are you ready for me?” His tone dragged across her skin, and she could feel herself grow even more ready.

“Why don’t you find out for yourself?”

He brought a hand to her thigh, his fingertips dragging against her skin teasingly as he worked his way towards her slit. She tightened the grip on her legs and he chuckled.

“Patience.” He kissed her quickly and leaned his forehead against hers, his fingertips arriving at that sweet spot where her thigh met her center. He groaned as she let go of his cock and instead tangled her fingers in his hair at the back of his neck.

She chuckled. “Patience,” She mimicked, cocking an eyebrow. He kissed her deeply and very carefully slid his index and middle finger into her warm center, curling both to hit that sweet, sensitive spot. He found it – right where he left it – and added a third finger, growing more impatient and she moaned for more of him.

“I need you, Christopher,” She leaned her head back against the cool tile and twisted her fingertips into his hair. “I need you to fuck me; I need to feel you inside me; please, Christopher…”

He held her tightly against the wall as he positioned himself at her center, and once again, she repositioned and retightened herself against his waist, eager for him to fill her completely. Their eyes locked and she bit her bottom lip as he entered her slowly, momentarily forgetting the broadness of his cock.

Closing her eyes, she moaned his name as he teased her, pulling out completely before thrusting himself into her quickly. Obeying her request of harder and faster, he knew she wasn’t going to last long once she brought a hand to her clit. His thrusts became more erratic at the sound of her moans, once again telling him that she needed it _harder, please._

As her toes began to curl and the fire burned deep inside her abdomen, her release came quickly with his name on her lips. The tightening of her walls against his cock urged him to come with her, which he did only seconds later, his forehead pressed to hers and a string of mumbles fell from his lips.

“That… Was…” He panted, his chest rising and falling quickly with each breath.

“Fantastic,” She finished, kissing him softly.

He chuckled. “That too.”

A few minutes later, once they had regained their breaths and had almost ran out of kisses (almost), he sat her back on her feet and smacked her ass.

“I love you, Mack.”

She smiled at him. “I know.” She turned, standing directly beneath the rainshower, and pointed towards him, shooing him out of the shower. “Now, pizza.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI; mentions infertility.

**||4||**

_"McKinley," Dr. Foster's voice broke through the tension crowding the small room. "I'm sorry; but I think it's time to look at other options."_

_McKinley dropped her gaze to her lap, where she wrung her hands together nervously. "You're sorry?" She repeated, shaking her head slowly. She had no idea that it felt this terrible to be on the other side of the desk._

_"I know, McKinley, it's difficult to start thinking about this after all you've been through, but, I feel like it’s the best option for you right now.” Dr. Foster continued her stare against the couple in front of her. She hated to give this news in such a way, but it was time to be realistic about the situation._

_"So," McKinley took a deep breath before continuing. "You're telling me that I can't have children?" Being a doctor, she knew how easy it is to give the runaround and look for other alternatives, although the bad news was always right in front of your face._

_"McKinley, I," Dr. Foster closed the file in front of her and folded her hands against it gently. "We've tried everything possible; spent thousands and thousands of dollars on procedures that just..." She shook her head, attempting to shove the emotions back into that little spot in your brain where they are fully contained. "That just didn't work."_

_"Yeah," McKinley glanced over at Chris sitting in the chair beside her, whose head was resting in his hands. She knew that he was as disappointed as she was, and was hoping for a little more support than what she was receiving. "So now we're just supposed to... What? Wait? Adopt? Get a surrogate?"_

_"No," She turned towards Chris' voice slowly, her eyebrows raised in suspense. No? "That's..." He trailed off, pressing his palms tightly against the armrests of the chair. "That's unacceptable." He stood from the chair and turned towards McKinley, still unable to meet her gaze._

_Dr. Foster stood from her seat with a start. "Ah, yes, well," She turned towards McKinley. "You need some time to process, I understand."_

_Chris shook his head swiftly and pointed towards the door. "Let's go, Mack. We're done here."_

"Mack?" Chris gently grazed his fingertips against the small of McKinley’s back as he stepped beside her at the kitchen counter. She was in her own little world, and a part of him always seemed to grow dull when he realized what was really going on.

"Hmm?" McKinley shook her head, attempting to drown the thoughts from her mind. This was the last thing that she needed to be dwelling on at this present moment, but somehow, it always seemed to press firmly against her memories at the worst of times. "Sorry, I was just," She shrugged her shoulders and held the folded piece of paper against her palm tightly.

Chris took the folded up paper from her hand and opened it slowly, his eyes scanning the against the words in a rush. He sighed helplessly and could only imagine the thoughts circulating inside her head relentlessly.

"It's a bill. From Dr. Foster." McKinley took the glass of wine from the counter in front of her and brought it to her lips, taking in the last few drops of the sweet red nectar.

Folding the invoice back up, he slid it into the inside breast pocket of his leather jacket. "Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it tomorrow."

She nodded her head slowly and began to pour another glass of wine, simply because, why not?

"No, no, Mrs. Evans.” Chris took the bottle of wine from her hand and recorked it. “We have somewhere to be.”

She raised an eyebrow and glanced at the clock on the oven. "Dinner isn’t for another hour, why the rush?"

He smiled widely and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. "I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise? For me?” She kissed him softly. “What’s the occasion?”

"The occasion?” He repeated, his hands falling from her waist line and continued trailing down her lower back. “The occasion is, simply, that I want to do something nice for you.” He kissed her again, his lips lingering on hers for a few seconds.

“Then I’m all yours.”

*****

Taking McKinley’s hand in his, Chris led her around the path of the DC Tidal Basin, where the cherry blossoms were in full effect. It was her favorite time in DC - the pink and white flowers were everywhere, painting the entire city with a sweet smell of spring. "I feel terrible, because I seem to forget that while we're working on our relationship, you're not only dealing with my repercussions, but the... other issue as well."

McKinley nodded her head slowly. "The other issue," She repeated, her gaze dropping to the stone path beneath their feet.

"I don't know what words I need to use, because the last thing I want to do is upset you more." He followed her to the metal bench on the side of the pathway, where she sat down and turned towards him.

"To be honest, I don't know what to call it either. I hate the word infertile, it's a mockery, which is how I feel sometimes. It's like there's this hole in my heart, and nothing can repair it. I just need time to heal. From everything." She pushed her dark locks away from her face, leaving her fingers twisted in her waves.

He draped one arm behind her. "I just don't know what I'm supposed to do." He furrowed his brows as he began to contemplate their situation yet again, unsure of if they were going about this the wrong way.

"Take it one day at a time," She chuckled, shrugging her shoulders lightly. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do either Christopher. We're at that point where it's either going to work or it's not, there are no instructions or a handbook explaining what steps we need to take next." She dropped her hand to his thigh and squeezed it reassuringly.

He brought his gaze to hers quickly, before he lost the courage to continue. "Do you want to walk away from this? From us?"

She smiled at him and shook her head. "No, not anymore. I can't imagine living my life without you, no matter what's happened in the past. We've moved on from it, and are learning how to deal with it the proper way; I don't know what else I can say to make you believe that I want you."

He sighed heavily, as if a weight had been drastically lifted from his chest. "Alright, so, that's it. We're moving forward with us, but what about..." He trailed off, attempting to choose his next words carefully. "Do you want to start thinking about adoption?"

She wanted to say _yes, absolutely_ , but something inside was holding her back, as if there were more to come, something dwelling inside her. "Not yet. I can't explain it but, I want to wait a little while. I still have all these hormones and medications floating inside me and I just, I don't want to make a decision that I might not be completely for."

"Take your time, Mack. The last thing I want to do is rush you into a process you aren't ready for." He took ahold of her hand, still laying on his thigh, and brought it to his lips. “Just say the word, that’s all you have to do.”

She smiled at him as he pressed his lips to the back of her hand. “I don’t understand how you think that I don’t want you; that it would be easy for me to just leave you.”

“Because of what I did, Mack. You’re so damn forgiving, which I feel is almost like a torturing repercussion as well.”

“Yes, but,” McKinley shook her head, her brows furrowing tightly. “But it’s different. You realized what you were doing. You stopped; you left her apartment; you went to your sisters. For God’s sake, Christopher, you didn’t even finish. If you realized what you were doing and continued fucking her, then we would be dealing with an entire situation. But I believe you. And I believe her. So, you have to start seeing how I’m so damn forgiving. Because I’m not always going to be.”

Chris chuckled. “Remember when we were in therapy and Dr. Fischer talked about reversing the roles and how I would’ve felt if you did the same thing?” He shook his head and continued. “I would’ve killed the guy, Mack. Seriously. But you - you sit the girl down and talk to her, like she’s your sister.”

“Trust me, Christopher, I was angry, there was no doubt about that. But, with the way my mind works, I had to know what happened. You were telling me one thing, and I didn’t know whether to believe it or not, so in my mind, the only other option was to go straight to the source. And she was upset about it - she truly was, which I still believe.”

“You just like to always believe the best in people.”

McKinley shrugged her shoulders. “Because it’s human decency. Why not?”

He nodded his head slowly, running his hand from the back of his neck to the front of his chest. He realized now why she loved this exact place during the spring cherry blossom season - you could see the national monument glowing perfectly against the trees full of the pink and white blooms, and when the breeze came and lifted the fallen flowers, it was as if you were in a cloud of cherry blossoms. “Well.” He looked at her and smiled. “We don’t want to keep your parents waiting now, do we?”

*****

“Christopher!” Joe Hartford greeted his son-in-law with a gigantic hug. “It’s good to see you, son. It’s been way too long.”

Chris smiled at him. “I know, I know, it has. Mack’s schedule has been crazy lately.” He glanced over at McKinley, who was greeting her younger brother Alex and his girlfriend Jane, which seemed to always bring a smile to his lips.

“How have things been with your family?” Joe pressed his palms against his hips, and leaned against the front porch of Chris’ restaurant, blue 42. He was genuinely concerned about the lack of relationship between Chris and his father and wanted nothing but the best for the two.

“Oh, you know,” Chris replied softly, pushing the sleeves of his black sweater up his forearms. “My mother is wonderful, you know that.” He shook his head slowly. “I got a phone call, from my dad, a few weeks ago. It wasn’t exactly welcoming, to say the least.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Joe brought a hand to Chris’ shoulder and squeezed it gently. “Have you thought about you and McKinley going to see him? Maybe have a decent, in depth conversation? McKinley might be able to help answer some questions.”

Chris sighed. “I just don’t know if it would be worth it or not. I have a feeling it would only upset Mack and make me furious, which is never a good combination.”

“Well, I hope something, eventually, gets resolved. You’re well aware that Caroline and I support you two to the moon and back. I love you like you’re my own, Chris.”

Chris smiled at him. “That means a lot. I honestly never expected so much support from you, actually. But with life, everything’s a surprise, isn’t it?”

Joe chuckled. “Yes it is.” His voice grew lower. “Have you thought about talking to McKinley anymore about adoption?”

“She wants to wait. I think she needs some more time to think about everything and weigh our options carefully. You know how she is,” Chris chuckled. “She’s a perfectionist.”

“That, and I’m sorry to say this, she gets from me.” Joe shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly and turned to the light touch on his elbow.

“Are you two done yet? I’m starving!” McKinley took hold of Chris’ bicep and looked up at him.

“Do you hear that, Chris? My daughter is starving,”

“Starving,” Chris repeated, a smile spreading onto his lips. “Then let’s get you fed, hmm?”

McKinley winked at him. “Please.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI; mentions infertility.

**||5||**

Pulling into the parking lot of the established medical center, Chris felt a heavy lump form deep in his stomach as he began to recall each moment that they had spent there over the past three years. It was easy to blame the doctors, blame the technicians, blame the reports. He could say that the tests were ran the wrong way; that the doctor wasn’t doing all she could; anything to prove that it was all just a cruel joke.

_“There’s nothing we can do,”_ Dr. Foster’s voice was a constant reminder of failure - his failure. It was easier to blame it on himself, although he knew he wasn’t the reason this was happening. It was life - and unfortunately, there was no bigger “fuck you” than the failure of not being able to have the children that you’ve dreamed of.

The negative tests. The lab reports. The disappointment. It was all too much, and with a heavy, heavy heart, he took the envelope out of the pocket of his jacket and opened it up. His eyes widened for just a moment at the amount of money he was about to spend, but a long time ago, both he and McKinley agreed that it was worth it.

But this time was the last. He knew why McKinley didn’t want to be here, why she couldn’t be here. It was too much for her - she had enough to deal with, why continue to make her feel even lower than she already felt? She didn’t deserve this - none of this.

“Mr. Evans,” The receptionist at Dr. Foster’s office greeted him warmly. “I didn’t realize you and your wife were on the schedule today.”

Chris leaned up against the counter and smiled at her. “No, we aren’t,” He laid the invoice down on the counter. “I just wanted to go ahead and take care of this while I was in the neighborhood.”

“Absolutely! Come on in.” The receptionist hit the buzzer for the door, allowing Chris to open the door that led into the neat row of offices. “Maria is down the hall, third door on the right.” She pointed down the hallway and smiled at him again, her bright personality always seemed reassuring in such a difficult office.

“Thanks,” He made long strides down the hallway, attempting to rid himself of the “calming” photos on the wall - a wide open field; a still ocean; sunset over the grand canyon. Like these photographs were supposed to make him feel better? He rolled his eyes and shook his head firmly - he had to get out of here. _Quickly._

Once he stepped inside the accountants office, the anxiety continued to rise in his chest, pushing him further and further as he continued to stand uncomfortably in front of the mahogany desk. As she began to pull up the Evans’ file, he breathed a deep sigh, hoping to expel the negative energy that would soon drown him if he didn’t shake the memories from his mind.

Those dreaded memories - once they came back, they couldn’t be contained, no matter how hard he tried. From him simply holding McKinley’s hand; to giving her the cold shoulder when she needed him the most; to holding back tears of despair and bitterness when Dr. Foster finally gave them the diagnoses.

“Mr. Evans,” Chris was brought from the menacing trance at the sound of Dr. Foster’s voice.

“Dr. Foster,” He nodded his head towards her curtly, bringing his gaze to hers for only a short moment in time.

“Is McKinley here as well?” The petite redhead stepped into the accountants office, her dark eyes darting around the room nervously.

“No,” Chris shook his head softly and cleared his throat. “No, uh, she’s at work.” He took the receipt from the accountant and folded it up neatly, sliding it into his pocket. “Thank you.” He attempted to leave the office quickly, but Dr. Foster spoke up behind him.

“Chris, can I show you something?”

He stopped immediately, his gaze returning to the carpet beneath his feet. “I, um, I need to get back to the restaurant.”

“It will only take a minute,” Her tone was soft and comforting, to which she knew that he couldn’t resist.

He dropped his shoulders and turned around slowly.

“Follow me,” She smiled at him and led him around the corner. “These are what I like to call my miracle babies,” She spoke softly as she nodded towards the wall of photographs, where Chris’ gaze travelled to each and every photograph on the wall, silently noting that there had to be at least fifty.

The bright eyed babies, ranging from newborns to six months, stared up at him silently. Their precious, innocent smiles; porcelain skin; tiny fingers and toes. Everything about each photo made Chris want to drop to his knees and sob at the reality that it would never to happen to them.

“McKinley is a doctor, so she knows that there is only so much that we can do for the human body. Every so often, we have to tell parents, couples, individuals, who are fighting for their lives, to just wait. Wait it out. And as difficult as that sounds, sometimes it just… works.” She turned towards Chris and smiled at him, continuing her thoughts. “Sometimes when you want something so bad, it just doesn’t fall into place. But when you relax, and let nature takes its course… sometimes, it just happens.”

Chris shook his head slowly, attempting to fight against the tears in his eyes. “What are you telling me, Dr. Foster? I’m not really in the mood for games right now.”

“I can’t tell you what happened with these couples, because with each individual case, everyone is different. I also can’t tell you that you and McKinley will have a child, because I don’t know that, I don’t have that power. What I’m telling you is, it has happened. I’ve had these parents in my office, and told them that they were unable to have a baby. Every single one of them. Chris, I don’t want you and McKinley to lose hope of what can happen. I know it may seem cruel to show you this, as that’s not how I intended, but,”

“So, let me get this straight,” Chris cleared his throat and brought his right hand to the back of his neck, gripping it tightly in a nervous fashion. “You show me pictures of babies born from infertile couples and tell me not to have false hope?” He shook his head tightly. “If McKinley had come in here today, instead of me, would you have shown this to her?”

Dr. Foster averted her gaze back to the wall of photographs. “To be honest, I don’t know. I would’ve talked to her for a little while, asked how she’s doing. Gauged that response as to whether I would have showed her this or not.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that certain behaviors are unacceptable?” He sighed heavily and dropped his arms to his side. “She’s having a hard enough time dealing with this, and you giving her false hope, isn’t going to help.”

“I know that you two are having a hard time with this,”

“No,” Chris interrupted her sternly. “Don’t. You don’t get to tell me that you know and understand, because you don’t. So stop. Stop with this,” He pointed to the wall of photographs. “Because this does nothing but cause more heartache.”

*****

McKinley took a bite of her salad and her nodded her head enthusiastically across from Jane, listening to her best friend drone on and on about her latest date with Alex, McKinley’s younger brother. Although McKinley and Jane were both 33 and Alex only 28, McKinley had doubts in the beginning whether the relationship would last, and the last thing that she wanted to do was to have to choose between her best friend and sibling. But, now she sees that in the end, she’ll never have to choose between the two, as they are completely made for no one but each other.

“You know, I had a couple come in yesterday for their last pre-natal appointment." Jane looked hopefully over at McKinley, who continued eating her lunch in quiet. "They had been told, countless times, that they couldn’t have babies.”

“Mmm,” McKinley nodded her head solemnly at Jane’s attempt of conversation, not wanting to get started on this subject once again. _Can’t people just drop it?_

“And… now they can.” Jane raised her eyebrows expectantly, hoping for some sort of emotional breakthrough. “It can happen, you know.”

McKinley pushed the container away from her, the half eaten salad now inedible. “I know,” She responded, shuffling her gaze from the people around her to the remnants of her lunch and finally back to Jane. “I know.”

“I’m sorry.” Jane scrunched her nose tightly and smiled at her. “Sometimes I just start talking, and I really can’t stop myself.”

McKinley laughed. “I’m used to it, trust me.”

“So, change of subject, then.” She wriggled her eyebrows. “Can I say how glad I am that you and your husband finally slept together?!”

“Yeah, me too.” McKinley chuckled. “Honestly, I thought it would feel … different.” She took a sip of water and sat the bottle back down. “Different as in, like our first time. Stumbling around, not really saying much, nervous touches. But there was this spark, this passion. Something that just wasn’t there before.”

“That’s good though! Right?” McKinley nodded her head. “Very. I just, I still have these thoughts, of him with that girl. And I can’t get them out of my head.” She took a deep breath. “And I know I shouldn’t, but it’s only natural, right?”

“Oh, Mack.” Jane smiled at her warmly. “I think it would be natural, but I’m only an OB-GYN. Talk to Dr. Fischer about it.”

“Yeah, about that...” McKinley leaned back in the chair. “We keep moving our appointment. It seems like every time we go, we have the same damn argument and nothing ever gets accomplished.”

“Are you two truly dealing with it, though? This isn’t something you can sweep under the rug.”

McKinley sighed. “I’m aware. I tried to do that in the beginning, which just made everything worse. It was Chris’ idea, actually, to go see Dr. Fischer. I’m glad we did, honestly, I know it really helped in getting all of our emotions out and into the open. But now it’s as if he doesn’t want us to move on from it. I guess if it happens again, I can blame myself and move on. But we’ve been in such a different place these last few months, I mean, we’ve never been this honest and open to each other before.”

“Look, Mack, sometimes these things happen. I know that’s a terrible thing to say, but there’s no other way to say it. I think it’s courageous that you two have been so open and have worked so hard to get your relationship back to the way it was, and all the support that you’ve had. You two have truly overcame a lot of bad shit.”

McKinley nodded her head slowly. “We’ve had ups and downs, there were times that I couldn’t take it anymore and threw him out, and then there were times where I felt as if I couldn’t be alone so I needed him. I can’t explain it. I’m just so grateful for the support that everyone has gave us. Well, almost everyone…”

Jane sighed. “How are things with his dad?”

McKinley rolled her eyes. “Nonexistent. I feel for him, and I don’t know what to do. My dad has suggested going over there to talk to him, together, but I just don’t know if that’s a good idea. Chris will get emotional, I’ll get mad, and there’s no telling what will come out of either one of our mouths.”

Jane chuckled. “If that’s not the truth.” She picked up an orange from McKinley’s discarded plate and began to peel it. “Have you and Chris thought about getting away? Going on a trip somewhere?”

McKinley shrugged her shoulders. “Not really. It’s just been crazy, and now, he wants to move closer to the city. So, we have architects and designers coming in to redo the basement, and get things ready to sell as well looking for someplace else to live.”

“I think it might be good for you both, you know… a getaway. Go back home, stay at the Ritz, spend all afternoon in Central Park. Go shopping on Fifth Avenue, hell, just have some fun. I know you both miss it.”

McKinley smiled. “We do. We grew up in that city, and I miss it every day.”

Jane cocked an eyebrow, her lips slowly turning into a smirk. “I’ll talk to Christopher, don’t you worry.”

*****

“What is all this?” McKinley stepped into the rarely used dining room, where Chris was leaning onto the large oak table. Stacks of thick paper were scattered across the tabletop, each one different in design.

Chris chuckled and nodded his head slowly. “Blueprints, for the basement. The architect and contractor dropped them off this afternoon.” He began moving the pieces around, scanning each design carefully.

"Wow," She stood beside him and placed her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. The need to be touched - cuddled - loved, weighed greatly on her soul this evening. "That's... a lot of plans."

"We don't have to decide right now," He smiled at her reassuringly. “I know, there are a lot of plans here, but hopefully with a few days and a process of elimination, we’ll find the right one.”

"Good. With the day I've had, I really am not in the mood to be making such decisions.” She dropped her hand from his shoulder and sorted through a few designs in front of her.

He turned towards her, studying her motions intently. "Sounds like we've both had a pretty terrible day."

She furrowed her brows. "Something like that," She shook her head slowly and sighed. "It's late. Why don't we save these for tomorrow? Go upstairs, find something on Netflix?"

Chris turned around and slid onto the tabletop. "Absolutely. But first," He clasped his hands together tightly. "I want to ask you something, and I know that it may seem odd, but I need you to answer as truthfully as you can."

“Alright,” She eyed him carefully, unsure of where he was trying to go with the night. “Have you ever told patients, to just wait it out? Get out of the hospital, go home, enjoy life? And it’ll get better?”

“Mmm,” She pressed her palms against her hips tightly. “It depends, really. In my field, when you tell patients that, its usually end of life care.” She shrugged her shoulders. “But, I have heard of other cases where it can work. Your brain is so focused on the injury at hand, that just a little rest and relaxation can go further than you think. Your body will heal itself, although it may not be in the original manner.”

He nodded his head slowly, the words from Dr. Foster repeating as he listened to his wife. He realized then that giving someone false hope was a terrible thing, but telling them to never completely give up on the situation was what he needed to hear.

“Why?” McKinley’s voice brought him from the deep trance, and the last thing that he wanted to do was worry her more.

He smiled at her and shook his head. “No reason.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**||6||**

“You and Chris seem to be making great progress, McKinley.” Dr. Fischer smiled at her warmly, watching as she shifted uncomfortably on the couch in front of him. “That took a lot of hard work, between you two, to get where you are now. It’s remarkable.”

McKinley returned the smile genuinely, took a deep breath and attempted to relax in the dreary, stuffy atmosphere of his office. After the day that she had, she wasn’t quite yet ready to speak, as she knew the words would only cause hurt and despair.

“Does he know that you’re here tonight?”

She nodded her head and leaned back into the corner of the couch slowly. “He does,” Her mind began to torture her with the thoughts and visions of her husband with that other woman, and she knew that the only thing to stop it was to talk about it.

Dr. Fischer took off his glasses and sat them on the table next to him, a deep sigh coming from his chest. “What’s on your mind, McKinley? You seem awfully quiet this evening.”

She sat for awhile in silence, folding her legs up underneath her. Finally, she met his gaze. “I can’t get it out of my mind. The two of them, together...” She shook her head slowly. “Some days its barely there, but today, I just…” She blinked heavily and continued. “I just don’t know what to do.”

“Do you forgive him, McKinley?” Dr. Fischer was sincere at the statement, knowing the truth behind the question immediately.

“Yes. I fought it for a long time, you know. Forgiving him. I felt as if I were to forgive him, it would make everything disappear, as if it really didn’t happen, which is why I didn’t want to. I wanted to him to be sorry, to feel ashamed, to…” She sighed and shook her head. “To be grateful that I took him back. That’s quite selfish, isn’t it?” She chuckled wryly, letting her gaze drop to the thick carpet in front of her, not wanting to let the tears see the light of day just yet.

“Have you told him that you’ve forgave him? Or is this something that you did… without him?”

She furrowed her brows tightly, his words repeating themselves over and over in her mind. ‘ _Something that she did… without him._ ’ “I,” She glanced up and was met with Dr. Fischer’s gaze. “I do a lot of stuff without him, don’t I?”

He chuckled. “You need to forgive him for it.”

“But, I have,” She interjected, attempting to sound sincere, and most of all, genuine.

Dr. Fischer chuckled again, this time a bit deeper. “No, you haven’t. You two have gotten through the bad part of this process. You’ve learned to let go, to move on, to build forward. But you haven’t yet forgave him, and truthfully, it’s killing him, McKinley.”

One corner of her mouth curled into a smile and then quickly dropped. “And how do I do that?”

“This is something that you and him need to do alone, with each other, of course. Sit him down, tell him how you feel, and what you think is making you feel that way. Let him know that the time has come for you to forgive him, truly forgive him, and continue to build your relationship the healthy way.”

She chuckled. “The healthy way,” She repeated, rolling her eyes softly. “Which means,”

“Which means you can’t continue to do everything alone. I know it feels easier, and I know that you do it so you know that you won’t get hurt… but you two, McKinley, you both love each other and want to get through this with a passion I’ve yet to see from any couple I’ve ever sat down with. It will work, I promise. You just need to take your time, and remember: he’s always going to be there for you.”

*****

McKinley took off her coat and laid it on the arm of the couch, doing the same with her bag. She nestled comfortably into the other end of the couch, sipping on her berry vodka tonic and keeping her eye on the one way window in Chris’ office that overlooked the bar area of his restaurant. She always loved being here - the sights, the smells, the atmosphere. It was as if this was one area of their life that hadn’t been tainted by their transgressions. Everything seemed to flow here, as if it were some magical land where no one could do wrong.

Chris made his way into his office slowly and sat down beside of her with a heavy sigh, obviously exhausted from his day. He leaned his head onto the back of the couch tiredly, and draped his left arm across her legs. “How did your appointment go tonight?”

She smiled at him, even though his eyes were closed. Always asking about her, regardless of the situation around him… she almost felt guilty, bringing up the conversation when they both had such an exhausting day. “Are you upset because I haven’t actually forgiven you?”

As soon as the question fell from her lips, his head rose immediately, his eyes opening and his gaze falling on hers. “I,” He trailed off slowly, his hand grabbing hers and holding it tightly. “As selfish as it sounds, it would make me feel so much better. Knowing that you’ve forgiven me.”

She shook her head slowly. “That’s not selfish, Chris,”

He shrugged his shoulders. “It feels that way, though. After what I did, I’m just expecting you to forgive? No, I just, I don’t believe that’s how it should work.”

“But, it’s not meant to be expected, it’s meant to be…” She trailed off, attempting to find the right word necessary.

“Earned. My trust now is meant to be earned. And I know that I’ve fucked all of that up. The trust, the respect, the forgiveness. Everything.” He furrowed his brows. “How did that even come up?”

“Well,” She trailed off, dropping her gaze. “You know,” She sighed heavily, bringing her line of sight back to his. “I see you. And I see her. Together. And I can’t get rid of it, no matter how hard I try to shut my eyes or shake it away, I just… I can’t. And I’m desperate, Christopher. I need it gone.”

“I’m sorry, Mack. Why didn’t you tell me?”

She smiled at him. “Because some things you just don’t need to know.”

They turned their attention to his office door opening, his assistant manager Luke smiling at the two. “Hey, Mack, it’s good to see you!”

“Luke, it’s good to see you, too.”

Luke rubbed his hands together in an excited fashion. “I just wanted to see if you two wanted some dinner tonight?”

Chris looked over at McKinley and sighed. “What do you think? Want to spend a few more hours here?”

She chuckled. “Why not?”

He turned back to Luke. “Absolutely. What do you have in mind?”

“Ah,” Luke grinned. “That will be a surprise.”

As the door shut behind him, McKinley turned towards Chris, eager to finish this conversation as quickly as possible. “I don't want you to continue to feel so guilty. Yes, I know you did it. Yes, I still think about it. And if forgiving you will do that, then that’s what I need to do."

Chris took a heavy sigh, his sparkling blue gaze landing on hers. "Let's get away for the weekend. Hell, for the week. We both need some time off, obviously, and I think the best thing is to... get away... to someplace that feels... like home."

"You seriously think that would help? You don't think it would be like we were pushing things away, not wanting to deal with them?"

"Just because we want to get away for awhile doesn't mean we're not dealing with it. It just means that we need time to ourselves, out of this environment, which is a good thing, right? I mean, I would think so..." He smiled at her. "I'm sorry that you can't get that out of your mind. I am, truly, sorry."

"I know you probably think that I want to hold onto it, for leverage or something,"

He leaned over and kissed her softly, his lips tingling against hers. “Stop. I don’t think that at all.” He kissed her again. “Now. About that getaway…”

Her eyebrows rose dramatically. “What about it?”

“I was thinking… what if we went home?”

“And by home, do you mean, stay at the Ritz, or our tiny apartment?”

He chuckled. “Well, I’ve made plans to stay at the Ritz, since I know how much you love it. But if you want to stay a night in our incredibly small apartment, I don’t see any problem with that.”

“So, you’ve already made the reservations?” He nodded his head and cleared his throat nervously. “I did, I, uh,” He smiled at her. “I called your office, talked to your assistant, scheduled some time off. I wanted to… surprise you.”

“Well,” She took his hand in hers and squeezed it. “I can’t wait, then.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy! :)

**||7||**

**New York, New York…**

“Christopher,” McKinley’s soft tone broke the silence that surrounded them in the elegant hotel suite. As his head rose from her chest, she tightened her legs wrapped around his waist in a desperate attempt to keep him as close as possible.

Chris lifted his weight from her, balancing on his elbows pressed firmly against the mattress. “McKinley,” He smiled at her as he lowered his lips and planted them on the valley of her chest, his soft kisses mixed with the tingly touch of his beard summoning a moan that fell from her lips. “You know I love you, but, I’m getting old, so before you start making noises like that again… I’ll need to have just a little bit more rest.”

“No,” She chuckled. “It’s not that.” She brought her hand to the side of his face and cupped it gently. “I just didn't know if you wanted to go by and see your dad while we’re here.”

He dropped his head with a sigh. “Maybe on the next visit.”

“You have to face him sometime, Christopher. I know this is difficult, dealing with his words and antics. But,”

Chris met her gaze narrowly and snapped. “Mack, don’t start, okay?” He sighed. “I’m sorry, I just don’t think I can handle it right now.” He fell on top of her, wrapping his arms around her and drawing her in close. “Remember when my mom booked us a room here in our second year at NYU?” He chuckled. “We had just finished our exams and we hadn't seen each other for over a week, which I thought was going to kill me.” He nuzzled his head into her chest, taking in a deep breath filled with her calming, aromatic scent.

She knew that the change in subject was only a nervous response, and instead of getting into another argument at two in the morning, she just simply decided to let it go. “I do. I also remember that she packed a box of condoms in your bag and told us to go crazy.”

He laughed. “Yeah, she did. Only, as soon as we got into the room, we were so exhausted that we collapsed on the bed and slept for the next twelve hours.”

“Which was probably the best sleep we had received that year,” She ran her fingers through his hair and down his neck, her fingertips gliding over his skin effortlessly. “He’s getting worse, Christopher.”

Closing his eyes, Chris attempted to shut her words from his mind. “That’s what cancer does, Mack. It makes you sick.”

McKinley made a mental note to talk to his mother tomorrow, in a hope that maybe she could talk some sense into him. She knew it was hard, and she knew it wasn't fair, but he just didn't want to see how sick his father really was, and the last thing she wanted to watch was Chris losing him without resolving their issues. She had learned a long time ago that attempting to push him into a situation he didn't want to deal with only had negative consequences, which not only included hurtful words and drawing himself off, but a void he could only feel in his soul.

“Alright, Christopher,” She sighed and continued to run her fingertips across his neck and shoulder blades. “I won’t press the issue anymore.” She knotted her fingers in his hair. “Let’s get some sleep, I’m exhausted…” She trailed off, chuckling when she noticed that he had already drifted off. She didn't have the heart to move or wake him, and instead, held him in her arms.

*****

Chris slid another empty glass towards the end of the table and turned his attention back to McKinley, sitting across from him at the rustic oak table. He requested yet another craft beer from the waiter and clasped his hands together tightly. "You were saying?"

"I was saying… I have to admit," McKinley sat the glass of beer down on the table and smiled at him. “I didn't know what I was doing or thinking in the beginning. After everything happened, I just sort of shut myself off from the world. I didn't care what it did to you or our friends or our family.” She paused as the waiter sat two more beers in front of them on the table. “In a world where I’m a doctor and think about everything logically, this emotional burden began to rise and I questioned every single thing that I did. And sometimes, I really don’t think that I made the right decisions.”

Chris’ heart fell inside his chest at the thought of her changing her mind against a decision made for him. “What do you mean?”

“Just that I feel as if I've been very selfish, and at times, I’m sure that I needed to be, but… putting you in the corner wasn't exactly what I had in mind.” She took a sip of her beer. “Nor was it fair to you.”

He smiled at her. “Look, Mack, we dealt with it the only way we knew how - and I don’t feel as if you've ever been too selfish during all this. There were times where I felt as if you needed to take more time to yourself to figure everything out rather than immerse yourself in it and try and take care of everything yourself.” He shook his head. “Mack, you've been… a godsend to me, from the very first time I met you. And as difficult as it may be to understand this, I’d do anything in my power for you. I love you so much that it literally hurts, whenever I think about what happened. I can’t explain it; I've tried, multiple times, to evaluate it and figure out where I went wrong, and I just can’t.”

“I don’t want you to evaluate it anymore, Christopher, don’t you understand that? It happened, and I know that we can’t just forget it, but… I want to. And as weird and heartbreaking that is to hear… I just… I’m done. I want to move on and we can’t move on if you’re evaluating it and I still haven’t forgiven you.” She smiled at him. “As hard as it is to form these words, Christopher, I know that you need to hear them more than I do, so I feel as if it’s more of a ‘give and give’ rather than a ‘give and take’ relationship. I don’t want to take anything from you; I want us both to be able to give each other what we need without hesitation. I forgive you, for everything you've ever done wrong. From losing your temper to cheating on me; I don’t care anymore, I just want to do it right.”

A heartfelt smile spread on his lips. “Thank you. You knew how much I needed to hear not only that, but that you still think of me as your husband. After all this happened, I was terrified that you were only going to think of me as something terrible… you just don’t know how relieved I am, Mack, that everything is working out.”

She smiled at him. “Good. Now, these beers aren't going to drink themselves…”

*****

“Let’s go do something touristy.”

McKinley raised an eyebrow wearily from underneath the white down comforter. “I don’t think I heard you correctly.”

Chris chuckled as he pulled the thick comforter from the top of her body. “I said, let’s go do something touristy.” He leaned down and kissed her lips gently. “Come on, it’d be fun!”

She groaned heavily as she pulled the comforter back over her head. “Christopher, it’s too early for your shenanigans. I thought you said that I could sleep in on this trip.”

“It’s almost ten in the morning, sleepy head, and I am absolutely starving. Would you like to order some breakfast for room service or go out somewhere for brunch?” He sat on the edge of the bed and continued flipping through the breakfast menu.

“I’m going to be honest, here, Christopher. I don’t think it’s possible for me to actually get out of bed in the next ten minutes, so,” She curled up onto her side and pulled a pillow over her head.

“Then I’m going to order room service.” He patted her ass through the comforter with a smile. “I’m just going to order a little bit of everything, you have the tendency to be difficult for breakfast.”

“Difficult?” She scoffed. “That’s rude.”

He chuckled, getting up off the bed and heading towards the telephone. “Yes, difficult. You know it’s true.”

She threw the pillow at him across the room and chuckled as it hit him. “And what do you mean by touristy? I’m not in the mood to deal with lines of people today.”

Chris picked up the pillow and made his way back to the bed after ordering too much food. “Well... we could do the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, or walk the High Line.”

She slid over in the bed as he snuggled in behind her. “High Line isn't that touristy… so… it could work.” She smiled softly as she felt his lips brush against the back of her neck. “I guess I should probably be getting in the shower now…” She trailed off, her breath hitching in her throat as he drug his fingertips along her side, stopping at her hip bone.

“Yeah, I guess so. But… I don’t think you’ll be going in alone.”

*****

“I forgot how much I missed this place.” McKinley brought the plastic spoon to her mouth slowly, enjoying the creamy taste of the rainbow sherbert.

Chris chuckled. “The ice cream or New York?”

She laughed. “New York, of course. Why do we always wait so long to come back?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders as he walked along beside her, enjoying the chocolate sundae more than he would like to admit. “I think it’s because since we grew up here, we got our fair share of city life.”

She nodded her head slowly. “True. And when we do have kids, where would you prefer that they grow up? Because, honestly, I love DC… but… there’s just something about this city, you know?”

He turned and smiled at her. “Here, definitely. DC can be so… snotty.”

“Snotty,” She repeated the word with a chuckle. “And our parents are here, that makes it… easier.”

Chris halted his steps. “Are you trying to tell me something, Mack?”

“What? Oh, God, no.” She furrowed her brows as she turned towards him, kissing him softly. “I’m just… thinking ahead.” She took another bite of sherbert. “I had a dream last night, and we were so unprepared, and hated living in DC…”

He chuckled and continued walking along beside her. “You? Unprepared? That is something I highly doubt.” He took her hand and pulled her towards a grass enclosure. “Come here, let’s talk for a minute.”

They sat on the small patch of green grass, leaning their backs against the glass wall.

“So, tell me something, Mack.” Chris took another bite of his sundae and glanced over at her beside him. “I thought we had decided that if the infertility treatments didn't work, we would go ahead with adoption.”

“Yeah, well,” She dipped the plastic spoon into the sherbert and sighed. “With everything that went on, it was just so stressful, and so intense, and I just feel like I need a break.”

He smiled at her. “You’re right. You were the one receiving the treatments, getting poked and prodded, dealing with… what happened.” He took a small bite of ice cream. “A little break might be a good thing for both of us. No more schedules, no more shots, no more blood tests… just… lots and lots of sex.”

She raised her eyebrows as she leaned towards him and kissed him. “That’s what I was hoping for.” She took another bite of sherbert and chuckled nervously. “And, you know, Jane was telling me about this new fertility doctor at the hospital. Apparently, she's into this natural and holistic treatment."

Chris nodded his head slowly, and she knew what he was thinking: _it just wasn't worth it_.

"I know it seems like a shot in the dark, but,"

"Mack," He sat the empty cup on the ground next to him and did the same with hers, finally grasping her hands in his. "I worry about you, with all this. I worry about you getting your hopes up and then having to go through this all over again. And honestly, I can't bear to watch you go through anymore pain. I just can't."

“Christopher.” She leaned her head back on the wall and sighed. “I appreciate that. I do. But you have to realize that I’m not just going to give up. I can’t have that guilt, that fear, in the back of my mind, thinking, ‘I could’ve tried harder; I could’ve done more.’ I know it seems crazy and pointless, but it’s just something that I have to do. I’m not expecting miracles. I just need to do this for peace of mind… and if it doesn’t work… then, we’ll take the next step. But I can’t give up just yet.”

He smiled at her so sweetly, so innocently, it nearly made her heart melt. “Alright, Mack. If that’s what you want. As long as it will make you happy, I’m all for it, you know that.” He leaned over and kissed her. “Now, let’s go shopping, hmm? Isn't that what you came here for anyways, for shoes?”

Her eyes grew wide. “Have I mentioned how much I love you?”

“Utterly and relentlessly?” He stood up and held out his hands. “Come, Mrs. Evans. I believe I have some shoes to buy.”


	8. Chapter 8

**||8||**

**New York, New York…**

“McKinley,” William Evans greeted his daughter in law with an excitement that surprised even himself. “You decided to come by and see me,” He smiled at her widely, as having her company after the bad days that had plagued him could only brighten the situation substantially.

“Hey, Will,” McKinley hugged the frail man tightly, giving him a once over that only made her heart break even more than the last time. “How are you feeling?”

He attempted to take a breath and nodded his head slowly. “I’m… okay.”

She cocked an eyebrow on her forehead. “Will… don’t lie to me.”

“It’s… harder to breath. Harder to regain my strength. I have a feeling that I’ll never get out of this room.” He chuckled at the statement, but as he realized the words rang more truthful than ever, he dropped his head and sighed.

“Well, I’ll see what I can do about the room.” She sat against the edge of the bed, smiling at him through the pain lodged deep in her heart. “But, your nurses have told me that you haven’t been eating. And, well, you can’t regain your strength if you don’t replenish it.”

“True. Can you do something about the food too?”

She chuckled, nodding her head curtly. “I’ll see what I can do. No promises, though, you’re on a very strict diet.”

“Strict diet my ass, I have cancer!”

“And you also have a heart condition, which means we have to watch what you put in your body. No more fried dough, no more meat lovers pizzas, no more whiskey… I know, I know, it sucks… but in order to strengthen your immune system we have to feed your body enough nourishment to heal.”

“Right, right,” He sighed once again, shaking the thought from his mind. “Enough about that. Tell me about my son. How’s he doing?”

She smiled. “He’s… doing great, actually.”

“That’s good to hear.” He forced a smile. “And, I suspect things are going… quite well… with you two?”

“We’re getting there. It’s harder than we imagined, but,” She revealed, furrowing her brows at the reality clouding her thoughts. “We’re just taking it one day at a time, really.”

“Well, that’s all you can do now.”

She smiled at him. “I was not expecting to hear that.”

“Well, McKinley, the pathway to death makes you realize a lot of things. And one of those things is, I’d rather not leave this earth with my only son hating me.”

“Oh, Will.” She took ahold of his hand and clasped it between hers. “He doesn’t hate you. He’s trying so hard to do what’s right, and keeps feeling as if he’s failed everyone around him.”

Will began to speak, but quickly shook his head. He couldn’t say what he wanted to anymore, and instead, he reached down into his heart to pull out the feelings he so desperately tried to hide. “Tell him… tell him that I miss him, would you? I know he won’t believe it, and I know he doesn’t care… but… it matters to me.”

Through the tears clouding her eyes, she smiled at him and nodded her head slowly. “You have my word.”

*****

“I just worry about her, getting her hopes up like that.” Chris sighed heavily as he glanced over at his mother and took a chocolate chip cookie from the plate in front of him.

“Well, are you going to let her do it?”

He laughed. “Ma, I think we both know that I don’t ‘let’ Mack do anything. If she wants to do it, she’ll do it, and I’ll be behind her, supporting her 1000%.” He took another bite of the cookie in his hand. “It’s just, sometimes, I have no idea on how I’m supposed to be… supporting her. She’s going through all these emotions, having all these thoughts, and, I just don’t know how to make her feel better.”

“Yes, that is difficult, supporting someone when you have no idea what they’re going through.” Diana sat down in the chair across from him, laying her hands flat against the table. “Don’t be so negative, Christopher. You don’t know if this new doctor is going to lead you down a path you’ve never been before.”

“Nothing has worked! Nothing anyone has done has worked, so why should I start being hopeful now?” His tone continued to rise with each word, growing increasingly frustrated as the conversation went on.

“Because it’s her body. Put yourself in her shoes, sweetheart. Imagine her frustration, her worries, her concerns. It’s not easy being a woman, and to not be able to do the one thing that our bodies were meant for… I’ll never even begin to understand what she’s going through.” She reached across the table and took his hand. “I know this is difficult for you, too. But right now, this isn’t about you. It’s about her, and you need to find a way to help her remember that.”

Chris remained silent as he absorbed his mother's words; she always knew exactly what to say and what he needed to hear, regardless of the situation.

“Christopher, there’s something else I need to talk to you about.”

He furrowed his brows tightly at her words, automatically fearing the worst. “What? What’s wrong?”

“No, no,” She laughed off his accusations. “It’s about your father.”

“Ah,” He shook his head. “I know what you’re going to say. He’s gotten worse, I need to go see him…”

She nodded her head quickly. “Yes, he’s gotten worse, and yes, you need to go see him.” She breathed a deep sigh as she watched his gaze fade to the table in between them. “I don’t agree with some of the things that your father has said to you, but, as McKinley forgave you, you need to forgive him.”

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, attempting to control the emotions and words that began to flood his mind.

“I know, it’s not fair that I said that… but honey… it’s bad. And the last thing that McKinley and I want to see is for you to lose him without reconciliation.”

He took a deep breath and let the air blow through his lips quickly. “I’ll think about it.”

*****

McKinley stared up at the old, decrepit brick building, a smile slowly unfolding on her lips.

“Brings back memories, doesn’t it?” Chris stood beside her, planting his hand on her lower back.

“It does. I was in medical school, and you were working at that italian restaurant a few blocks from here.” She turned towards him and smiled. “Don’t you think we should sell it? After all, it’s just sitting here. We hardly come back to it, unfortunately,”

“Unfortunately?” His lips curled into a smile as he turned towards her. “McKinley Evans, I think that you’ve been trying to tell me something.”

She shrugged her shoulders lightly. “Maybe.” A sigh fell from her lips. “I do miss this, you know. Life here… is so much more real than DC.”

“Our lives, our house, our jobs, our restaurant, our life… it’s all in DC.” He breathed a heavy sigh. “But this… this is where it all started.” He let his hand fall from her lower back and took ahold of her own. “I honestly don’t know where this is coming from, Mack, I mean… is it because of what I did? Is it because of,”

She forced a smile, letting the tears push their way to the outermost skin of her eyelids. “I don’t know why; I can’t explain it, and I hate it. But this place, this city, it’s where we grew up, where we went to school, where we fell in love. Our family is here, Christopher, and I just can’t sit there in DC and pretend like everything is okay when it’s not.”

“Okay,” He pulled her close and pressed his lips to hers, the innocent kiss igniting a spark deep inside their bellies. “We’ll talk about it, okay? We’ll figure it out, I promise. But first, I have a surprise for you.”

They made their way to the fourth floor walk up, reminiscing of forgotten times and invaluable memories until they stepped inside the small studio apartment.

“You realize that this apartment is the size of your closet?” Chris wrapped his arms around her waist, planting a kiss on the back of her neck.

“That’s not the point.” She took his hands and pulled him towards the empty living room area, stopping in front of the large floor to ceiling windows. “This view, though…”

“Yeah,” He took a step back and smiled. “This view, though… is not the same one I’m looking at.”

McKinley turned around to face him, planting her hands on her hips. “Christopher,” She tilted her head towards her shoulder and smirked. “You told me that you had a surprise for me.”

He laughed. “Yes, of course.” He made his way to the kitchen, pulling out a bottle of wine and two glasses from a cupboard. “This is the wine that we had at our wedding.” He began searching through the drawers, finally finding a corkscrew. “And I thought it would pair nicely with the dinner I’m going to make. Like old times,”

She smiled as she watched him open the wine and pour the delicious red nectar into the glasses. “Like old times.”

“I know that we have a lot to talk about, and I know that we have a lot of things on both our minds… but I feel as if we just need some time to remember where we came from and what we’ve been through. How we’ve grown.” He made his way back towards her and handed her the glass. “I know that we’ve been one hell of a time, Mack, and for that… I’m sorry. But, I know that in order to move past that, we have to really put it behind us and work on what really matters… me and you. What I’m saying is, I love you. And I’m not going anywhere. I'm going to fight - for you, for our relationship - until it's right again.”


	9. Chapter 9

**||9||**

**New York, New York**

McKinley’s mind would often wander to those “perhaps” or “what if” moments that life always seemed to bring at the most difficult times.

_What if they hadn’t gotten married so young?_

_What if he still had thoughts about his fling?_

_What if he really didn’t want to stop?_

_What if she couldn’t love him as much as she used to?_

The fear of the truth often brought out the worst in people. Things being revealed in a manner which they were uncomfortable with; whether it was simply being spoke out loud or in front of a large group of family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances.

As Chris’ father always would say, “you’re either in… or you’re out.”. A few weeks after the entire debacle went down, McKinley made a visit to NYC in order to see her family, figure things out, receive support; anything, really, to get out of that house and away from her husband.

After visiting Will one evening, in which he had murmured over and over, “you’re either in or you’re out, Mack,”... she needed more time to just think. Did she want to be out? Was she ready for that step? They had spent the majority of their lives together, how could she ever think about not being with him?

But he had failed her, in a way no spouse should ever fail their significant other. That sacred bond that held you two together had been broken, and how was she ever going to have the strength to repair it? And, quite frankly, did he even deserve her forgiveness?

And now, here they sat, months later… with Chris’ gaze never falling from his wife as she sat at the opposite end of the table, finishing off the bowl of double decadent chocolate ice cream. They used to be on such a level that he knew what exactly she was going to say; how she was feeling; what she wanted to do… without even saying a word.

He wanted - no, needed - that back. He would fall to his knees, beg for forgiveness, climb the highest mountain… all for her and her forgiveness. He needed that steady sense of pride and complete unconditional love… and he absolutely hated the fact that it was him and his actions that caused all this.

“I lied to you.” Her voice was deafening over the silence that encompassed them both. “A few weeks, after you, um, admitted everything,” She pushed the empty bowl away from her with a sigh. “I told you that I was going to a conference in LA… and… I didn’t go. I wanted to. I sat at the airport, tickets in my hand, pondering every single thing in my life.”

Her gaze finally had the courage to meet his. “I realized I had missed my flight, and, ironically, the next flight departing was one to… here. And so, I changed it. I knew that my heart, or my mind, was never going to be where it needed to be; but I knew that going home would help to steer me in the right direction. Your family, my family… they were all there for me, in a way that was just… absolutely perfect. I was hurting, so bad, and honestly, I couldn’t have ever imagined it turned out the way it did.”

“I didn’t tell you, because frankly, at the time… you didn’t deserve to know. You were pressuring me, smothering me; everything you did was wrong.” She bit her bottom lip nervously. “I hated you for making me think that this was all my fault. That because of me, because of what my doctors have said; that it wouldn’t have happened if I was… able to have children.”

Leaning her forearms onto the tabletop, she continued. “I met up with a colleague, who works over at the Presbyterian hospital. He asked me to come over and check out this patient of his. So, I went over there, and this kid…” She breathed a heavy sigh and smiled.

“She was radiant. But her parents… they were arguing the entire time I was there, and honestly, it was just exhausting to hear. They repeated everything to each other at least three times, with neither one actually listening to the other. It was sickening. And it made me think… God, is that what we’ve been doing? Arguing? Throwing words around at each other? Placing blame? Without even… listening to each other?”

She smiled at him. “And the wife said to him… ‘you’re either in or you’re out’... and I remember thinking, I’m not ready to give you up. As badly as I was hurting, and as badly as you were hurting… we couldn’t give up on what we had. So that night, I went back to your moms, where I wrote you that email. I remember sobbing the entire time because I was terrified that you had already left. That it was too much, that you didn’t love me, that…” She simply shrugged her shoulders. “I just knew that I just wasn’t ready to be done with you yet.”

Chris started to speak, but McKinley shook her head softly. “I’m not done.” He smiled at her softly, the tears continuing to flow down his perfectly plump cheeks.

“I know that you think I’m pushing away adoption because I don’t want it. But that’s not the case, Christopher, and I need you to not only believe me but trust me when I tell you what I want to do.” She pursed her lips tightly as the emotions began to multiply - and the one and a half bottles of wine they had consumed through the night definitely weren’t helping. She felt the tears press against her eyes and shook her head slowly. “I can see when you’re disappointed, and when you’re hurt… which you are, because sometimes I feel as if you want a baby more than I do.”

He chuckled. “You might be right about that.”

“I know I am. It’s just…” She sighed again, bringing both hands to the table in front of her. “These last six months, Christopher… we’ve made a lot of progress, but, I feel like asking about babies so soon after is just… pushing it. I don’t want to add on the stress of adoption while we’re already still broken from dealing with…”

“And once again, you’re absolutely right.” He smiled at her. “I love you McKinley, and the last thing that I want to do is throw all of the progress we’ve made out the window. Yes, I want a baby… but I need you to know, that above all else, I want you. So much more.” Letting his gaze fall to the table in front of him, he chuckled nervously. “And, I knew about that trip. My dad, after you went to see him, he called me. It was probably the only time where he didn’t yell at me, so I remember it like it was yesterday.”

He smiled at her. “He went on and on about our future; about how we were always meant for each other. You… this lower East Side, private school attending, beautiful, intelligent girl pining after me, this Brooklyn kid who went to public school and didn’t know right from wrong. It was the ultimate cliched romance novel, and it helped me to remember everything we went through, and… I knew I couldn’t lose you.”

She scrunched her nose playfully. “I think I still have that uniform at my parents house.”

He chuckled as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. “Oh yeah?”

“It probably won’t fit, but, it’s worth a shot.” She laughed. “This, here… it was good, Christopher. You making me dinner, the wine from our wedding… it was perfect, really. Better than any night we could have spent in this sleepless city.”

“That reminds me,” He smiled widely as he stood from the chair quickly. “I have… one more surprise for you.”

She cocked an eyebrow high on her forehead. “Oh really?”

“Yes.” He stated simply, grabbing a bottle of champagne from the fridge, two more glasses, and a small white package tied with a purple bow. Setting them in a paper bag from the market across the street, he took the handles in his hand and dropped it to his side. “Now, on to your next surprise,”

McKinley chuckled as he stopped beside her chair and held out his hand. “Let me guess. The roof?” She took his hand in hers and stood from her chair.

Chris gasped dramatically. “It’s a surprise, love!”

“Ah, right,” She shook her head slowly as she followed him from the apartment and towards the roof access. “I remember many nights where we’d climb up here,” She chuckled, finally setting both feet on the roof of their building.

“Yeah, well, that’s what I was going for,” He narrowed his eyes playfully and winked at her as he led her around the corner.

The bulb light strands were not only still working but draped across the top of the roof, providing a soft, ambient glow. Brightly colored pillows and blankets were strewn around, creating a one of a kind nesting spot for the two to lay.

“Are you going to offer me the champagne and strawberries?” She smiled at him as she led him towards the corner, taking off her shoes and settling into the blankets.

Breathing a heavy sigh, he sat the bag down onto the cement next to them and joined her. “I know how much you love these things,” He chuckled as he reached into the bag and pulled out the white box.

“Since I was a child, actually.” She opened the box eagerly, taking out a dark chocolate covered strawberry. “My dad used to take me downtown every Thursday afternoon to pick some up. We’d end up eating the entire box on the subway ride home, though.”

“I don’t doubt that one bit.” He smiled at her as he opened the champagne. “I just forget, you know, that even though we’re married… it doesn’t give me a reason to not… romance you like I used to.” He poured the bubbly into the glasses and handed it to her.

“So, I can expect this once we get back to DC?”

He gave a curt nod and smiled. “Absolutely.” He leaned over and kissed her lips softly. “Now, a toast, yea?”

“To… a long, adventurous, happy life…?”

He chuckled at her indecisiveness. “With lots and lots of sex.”

She quickly took a sip. “I’ll always drink to that.”

“Yes, well, I guess I should have said… here’s to more of it.” He took a large sip and winked at her. “Now, remember what else we used to do up here?”

She raised her eyebrows quickly. “Yes, lots and lots of,”

Tearing the book from the bag, he raised his eyebrows and interrupted her. “Reading.”

She laughed wholeheartedly. “Yes, that too.”

As he laid down against the pillows, he breathed a deep sigh. “I just need to feel you up against me, Mack. Feel your hair, your fingertips, your breath against my skin. That closeness that we used to have… I need it.”

“Alright, then.” She smiled as she laid down against him; her chest on his, her leg stretched out against his waist, her head resting on his chest.

They molded together perfectly, and finally, his deep voice rose from within as he held the book up to his gaze.

“ _It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness_ ,”

**_____________________________________________________________________________**


	10. Chapter 10

**||10||**

**New York, New York**

As much as she hated to admit it, McKinley cared a little too much about what people thought of her and Chris’ relationship. She knew that those who encouraged her to leave him were judging her quite harshly for the decision she made to stay with him… after all, he did break his promise to be with her and her alone… so what other promises was he going to break? And what was going to be her limit of what he could do to her?

People either praised her for working through it and not giving up, or shamed her for staying with a man who wasn’t faithful. She understood why people were so hesitant, and she hated the fact that their opinions still got under her skin… but it's a part of life.

You have bad things happen; You don’t always get what you want; You care too much about what people say and think about you, regardless about what you proclaim to others around you; And soon you’ll realize that you’ll do anything to retain that feeling of complete love and adoration from your partner.

The man that has been with you through everything - always by your side, always supporting you 110%, always bringing you back down to earth, always remaining strong, and never telling you no.

It was a simple realization, really. She realized how much she loved him, regardless of what he had put her through, and couldn’t bear to not have him in her life.

It was a mistake.

We all make mistakes, right? We all do things that shouldn’t be done or shouldn’t be said, but we do them anyways because it's what we want to do, regardless of the consequences. Oh, the consequences, how severe or negligent they can be…

She didn’t want to punish him for the rest of his life, but didn’t want him to forget the mistake, either. It was a delicate balance beam, juggling their feelings and words with a “pro/con” attitude. Was it helpful, or was it hurtful?

Honestly, she came to the decision that all of it… was complete and utter bullshit.

*****

To say that Chris was nervous would have been one of the most considerable use of the word to date. As he stood outside the door to his father's hospital room, terror seemed to stop him immediately and sentence him to a life long moment spent in his head, writhing of the memories they had lived. He hadn’t seen his father for so long; how was he going to react to the reality surrounding them at this very moment?

The longer he stood there, the more he began to relive the conversations that had been held between father and son. The times when his father would call him, berating him for what he did to McKinley, and telling him how he should’ve reacted to the situation rather than console him or tell him what he needed to do. Always telling him what to do, what to say, how to live. It was infuriating, to always be told rather than to be asked…

“Just come into the damn room,” Will demanded, breathing a heavy sigh at his obviously distressed son.

Chris couldn’t help but to laugh at the brashness that even cancer refused to push from his father's body. Slowly making his way into the room, his heart dropped as he witnessed the torment that cancer and medication had portrayed against his father. Instead of seeing the man he was so used to seeing in photos, videos, and memories, he was left with a frail, bald remnant of the man who raised him.

“Christopher,” Will’s gaze travelled with his son across the room, the desire to say something comforting spoke strongly in his heart, but Will was never really one for words…

“Dad,” Chris replied, sliding his hands into the front pockets of his grey shorts.

Between all the words that had been muttered amid the two and the desire to move past their history, the room was silent yet filled with a heavy presence.

“Sit,” Will commanded, pointing to a single chair beside his bed. “Tell me why you’re here.”

“Well,” Chris started, sliding down into the chair slowly. “I wanted to come and see how you were doing.”

“You mean your wife told you to come and see me?”

“Mack did ask me, if that’s what you’re referring to.” Chris sighed, glancing away from his father's bedside. “Besides, I figured it was time to… You know… move past all of this.”

“Right, right. Of course.” Will furrowed his brows. “So is that what you and Mack have done with your lives? Just… moved past it?”

“We’re trying to,” Chris responded, pursing his lips tightly. He didn’t want to divulge everything that they went through, but at the same time, he knew it was the only way to respectfully and fully have this conversation.

“You know that she wanted to leave you, right? When she came here, a few months ago, heartbroken, with no one to turn to.” Will’s voice grew lower as he continued. “I admit, I wasn’t always your best ally… but that night… that night, I had to be.” He balled up his fists nervously, shaking his head slowly.

“I had no one on my side then… although, I didn’t expect anyone to be, anyways.” Chris leaned his forearms onto his thighs and clasped his hands together tightly. “It was a mistake. That’s all I can say, honestly… is that it was a mistake. Mack and I are moving through it, and, I was hoping… maybe… we could too.”

“There’s nothing I’d like more.” Will replied, letting a smile tug on the corners of his lips. “So… tell me… what’s going on between you two, hmm?”

“She wants to move back here, can you believe it?” Chris chuckled, shaking his head slowly. “We moved away because we wanted to get out of the city, because we wanted to be alone, and now… Now that we’ve established a life in DC, Mack wants to come back here…”

Will chuckled, casually maintaining the gaze of his only son. “Family,” He started, taking a deep breath, pointing his index finger at him firmly. “She wants to be with family, as she should. And so should you,”

“I am thinking about family,” Chris interjected, furrowing his brows tightly. “But, I’m the logical thinker between the two of us. We have a restaurant, a house, a life in DC… and… responsibilities!”

“You know as well as I do, that when Mack finally gets pregnant, family is going to be what you both need around you. And that’s what she’s thinking about.” Will sighed heavily, his gaze drifting to the floor to ceiling windows of the hospital’s cancer ward. “She’s making plans, don’t you see, son? She’s trying to get everything figured out, and, I don’t blame her.” He chuckled. “Although, your sister probably won’t see it that way…”

“Ah,” Chris leaned back into the chair, rolling his bright blue eyes into the back of his head. “Melody’s so consumed in her work she probably won’t even notice.”

Will tilted his head back onto the pillow and smiled softly. “I had such a hard time when you two moved down to DC. Both of my children, abandoning me,” He chuckled. “But… I knew you’d come back. Eventually.”

“I’m pretty sure that Mack only took that job because she wanted to get away from her parents,” Chris breathed a light hearted sigh. “And now, she wants to move back. It’s just… it’s a scary thought. We’re redoing the basement in the house, trying to get it ready so Melody can sell it; and Mack wants to uproot everything to be back here.”

“Well, you’ll be selling your house anyways, so…”

“The only reason we were selling it is so we could move closer to DC. Our house is too open, too far away… and when all those break-ins started happening, I couldn’t stand the fact of her being there alone.”

“That’s understandable,” Will agreed, nodding his head slowly. “But, if you move somewhere different in DC, is it really going to make you feel better? About… everything?”

Chris let his hand fall from his chin down to his thigh. “I… don’t know, honestly.”

“Moving won’t make everything just… go away.”

“Tell Mack that.”

Will laughed. “I’m not going to be the one to do that.”

*****

“So… I met Dr. Andersen while I was with dad today.” Chris stated, taking a sip of the beer from the glass bottle in his hand.

“Oh, really?” McKinley dropped the book she was reading onto the bed and sighed heavily. “And?”

“Did you sleep with him?”

She couldn’t help but to chuckle. “No,” She responded, shaking her head slowly.

Chris dropped his gaze to the floor and took another sip. “It’s just, the way he said things… and he’s so… beautiful.”

“Yes,” She smiled at him. “He is a beautiful man. But… he’s also married, so…”

“Did he want to? I mean… did… he ask you to sleep with him?”

Breathing another heavy sigh, the last thing McKinley wanted to do was to have this conversation. “Yes. He asked me if I wanted to, implied it, however you want to describe it.”

“And… did you want to?”

She rolled her eyes. “No. He’s way too cocky, and for fucks sake, I know his wife… I just couldn’t do that to her.”

“So, if we came back here, you’d be working with him?”

“No. He has nothing to do with Peds.”

Chris furrowed his eyebrows. “But he said… he would’ve enjoyed working with you.”

McKinley laughed. “Because he was probably trying to get under your skin. He knows you're my husband, Chris.”

“But did he know… about…?”

“No. It wasn’t any of his business.” She took in a deep breath before continuing. “Look, Christopher. I’m tired of this… so incredibly tired of talking about it… dragging it through the mud, getting it dirtier, being reminded of everything that happened. I’m done. It happened, we worked through it, and now… I can’t take it anymore.”

Chris nodded his head slowly, finally having the courage to look his wife in the eyes. “Okay.”


	11. Chapter 11

**||11||**   
**Washington, DC**

Sometimes, we all have to be selfish in our own lifetime. We do things we shouldn’t do, say things we shouldn’t say… all because we simply want it and it’s what we want to do. Being with another person for so long makes you forget who you really are as a person. You succumb to being a couple - rather than two individuals partaking in a relationship - and you lose touch with who you really are and what you really want to be.

Marriage is difficult. You’re both trying to give 100% to a relationship that you want to be in for the rest of your life, which is mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. Attempting to build a life together is like being on a roller coaster - it has its ups and its downs, of course… but sometimes you’re left wondering when it’s going to slow down and go the way you see it.

McKinley Evans knew that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Chris - but sometimes, she wondered if she had been too focused on her own personal life than their relationship. Her entire life had been riddled with goals - and she achieved every single one of them… but they were her goals. Not Chris’. Not their marriage. But simply… hers.

“I’m going to be honest here, Mack.” Chris started, sitting down onto the couch in his blue 42 office. “I like our life here in DC… and I think attempting to move it back to New York isn’t the answer. I start thinking about what I would do if we moved back to Manhattan. It’s too damn expensive to even think about opening up a restaurant, which means I’d have to go back to being an executive chef somewhere. And it’s not that I don’t love it, because I do… It’s just so competitive and I’ve been out of the game for so long…” He sighed, hanging his head in his hands. “I just… I like what we’ve built here.”

McKinley’s heart dropped into her stomach as she thought about him… He was going to have to start all over if they moved. He wouldn’t have his restaurant, he wouldn’t have his job, he wouldn’t have what he worked so hard to get.

For once, he was thinking about himself and what he wanted and how it wasn’t going to be easy as that to transition to a different city once again. They would have been going back because of her career, where she would be set and she wouldn’t have to worry about a damn thing.

But him…

As she intently studied his face, she saw the fear and worry that he had been continually dwelling on - and it wasn’t good.

The guilt that began to surround her was overwhelming.

“Then we’ll stay here.” McKinley’s words were so simply put that he began to wonder if he had truly heard her correctly.

She had been pushing for New York since they had gotten back from their vacation, so what would make her change her mind that quickly and that easy?

“Why?” He started, shaking his head slowly. “I thought…”

“I just want you to be happy, Christopher.” She smiled at him and continued. “And if staying here in DC is what you want… then it’s what we’ll do.”

“But New York is what YOU want,”

“Exactly,” She interrupted him quickly. “It's what I want. Not what you want. We chose to start a life in DC, and we aren’t going to back out of it just because I want to. It’s not fair to you.”

She could see the tears threatening to spill against his beautiful, pink cheeks.

“Thank you.”

She smiled at him. “You’re welcome.”

*****

“I…” McKinley started, stealing a glance at her husband as he sat next to her on the dreaded therapy couch. “I don’t believe that he’s thinking about things like he should be.”

“Like what?” Dr. Fischer inquired, clicking the top of his pen as if she were about to drop something worth noting.

“His father.”

McKinley’s simply subtle response could only draw a heavy sigh from Chris. His head lowered, both hands clasped together, his gaze intent on the thick beige carpet at his feet - a view he had encountered one too many times.

“My father used to tell me, many many times, that money can’t buy you happiness.” Chris started, pulling his hands apart, then quickly pressing the fingertips of his right hand against his left. “I never believed him, of course, because I couldn’t see the… the other side. I used to think that if we had this much money, or this certain car, or this expensive house… that it would be everything I’d ever want. But now… sitting here… having those things and being on the other side… all I want is for him to be happy with me. I feel like I’ve… disappointed him, in so many ways, and I have no idea how to repair it.”

“What exactly do you want to tell him, Chris?”

Chris’ gaze was still attached to the carpet at his feet, not quite having the energy or the confidence to lift his sight from something so familiar. “That I’m sorry. That he was right. That… I’m trying.”

“Well…” Dr. Fischer sat the pad of thick paper and pen onto the table next to him with a compelling sigh. “I think you should tell him just that.”

*****

The car was silent as they drove through the city. They watched raindrops pelt the windshield and cringed as they watched the temperature gauge continue to fall into the 30’s, a realization that fall was on its way out and winter was just around the corner.

McKinley desperately wanted to tell him that she was late - as in, late late - but knew he would turn his attention from the subject at hand - his father. She knew that time wasn’t something that Will had a lot of, and was just desperately attempting to get two of the most hard headed men back into each other's lives before it was too late.

As they stopped at a stoplight, she turned towards him and called out. “Christopher,”

“I know, I know,” He interrupted, shaking his head slowly. His grip on the black leather steering wheel only tightened. “I need to talk to him.”

Her gaze travelled to the corner drug store, silently reminding her to pick up a pregnancy test. The mere thought threw everything inside of her for one hell of a wild ride. “Sooner, rather than later.”

He remained quiet, nodding his head in agreeance. He knew that his dad didn’t have much time left, but the last thing he wanted to do was admit it. He continued making turns and stops throughout the city, his mind on only one thing.

“Christopher, where are we going?”

He couldn’t help but to chuckle. “I have no idea. I just know that I didn’t want to go home yet.” With even more renovations and upgrades taking place on their home, he didn’t want to be stuck in a house with 10 other men and more noises than he could ever deal with.

It was right on the tip of her tongue… Christopher, I’m late.

She didn’t want to be let down.  
She didn’t want to let him down.

She was being selfish, and she knew that, but was now the time? Really? They had tried for so long, and now, during a time where it seemed as if everything (except their relationship, for once) was falling apart?

“McKinley?”

Her head snapped quickly towards him. “Yes?”

“Where do you want to go?”

“I…” She trailed off slowly, her mind overly dwelling on one thing.

“Mack? What’s going on?” Christopher demanded cautiously, stopping at the red light of the ever so familiar path to blue 42.

“Nothing.” She turned and smiled at him. “Let’s get something to eat, hmm?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 


End file.
